I love my country, but there are some things about America and its residents that I don’t understand and probably never will. Hopefully someone can elucidate.
1) Our obsession with giant trucks and SUVs. Seriously… what is it about America? I was once told by an Australian buddy that on his first trip to America, he saw so many giant trucks that he assumed we had no paved roads. Why do people want to drive them? They’re big, they get horrible gas mileage, they’re hard to drive, hard to park, have horrible handling and braking… and yet many people refuse to drive anything but.
2) Our obsession with cell phones. I remember a time not that long ago, before cell phones were as ubiquitous as they are now, when if you owned a cell phone… it was mostly just for emergencies. It was possible to commute to work and actually concentrate on driving. If you were having a conversation with anyone, they were either A) in the car with you B) your favorite deity, or C) yourself. If you were driving or in a store, too bad… you were just incommunicado… talking to people could wait. Now, I’ll admit that I’m a bit of an information junkie, and LOVE having the internet at my fingertips wherever I go…. but there’s a time and place for everything, and driving is not it. Seriously, folks.. put down the damn phones and pay attention to the road.
3) The draw of Sarah Palin and the entire premise of electing politicians based on whom you want to have a beer with. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone I’ve ever had a beer with that I’d want to be President. No offense to any of you… but seriously, you’re not Presidential material. So what gives, what IS the draw of this woman? She seems like the ditziest bimbo ever to hold elected office. Even people from the McCain campaign wondered what they were thinking when they chose her. Certain words spring to mind when I hear Palin’s name… among them are: vapid, nonsensical, ridiculous, shallow, and of course… willfully ignorant. So why are there millions of people who actually think she is the best choice for President?
4) Dubbed shows. It’s one of those little things that annoys me. One strange little thing I love is hearing foreign languages spoken by native speakers. I’m just fascinated by it. So why is it that almost every show in America is dubbed over instead of subtitled? Are we too lazy to read a little bit? And while we’re on the subject of subtitles, who thinks we’re dumb enough that we need to have Brits, Scots, and Aussies subtitled when they’re speaking English? ENOUGH!
5) Our aversion to diesel. Right now, there are only 4 manufacturers that sell diesel cars (note: not trucks) in America… and they’re all German. BMW, Mercedes, VW, and Audi are the only ones willing to sell us the vehicles that Europe sees as “the standard”. Americans seem to be obsessed with hybrids and the green-ness of the Toyota Prius and the… uhh… absolute goddamn retardedness of the 21mpg “hybrid” GMC trucks. Why is diesel seen as dirty?
6) The total lack of manual transmissions. Again, in Europe, a manual transmission is considered to be the standard. Very few people want to drive an automatic. Here in America, even when cars have a manual tranmission listed as “standard equipment”… good luck finding one. In January I test drove a Jetta TDI and told the salesman the only requirements I had were A) diesel and B) manual. Jetta or Golf would be fine with me… so long as it’s a TDI with a straight drive. They searched and told me the soonest they could possibly get me one was March. We’re now mid-April and I still haven’t heard back from them about it. So why… why is “standard equipment” so far from standard?
I’m sure there are plenty of other things about the American brain that I can’t comprehend, but that should be a good start for now. Anyone want to field some questions?





While reading an article on the 